Friday, February 15, 2013

Die Hard 5 - Written Review

Question: when do action movies get released?  Answer: during the summer blockbuster season and sometimes around Christmas.  Question: if an action movie gets released during the "movie down season" (the time frame between New Years and late March/early April where Hollywood releases movies they know aren't so hot but they have to put them in theaters to try and recoup the money they put into them) should you be a little suspicious or worried about it?  Answer: yes.  That big red flag went up for me when I went into the theater to see this movie.  Was it justified to be a bit worried about the newest installation to the Die Hard franchise, A Good Day to Die Hard?

Oddly, this title is hard to remember.  It's gotta be the wording.

How the hell did they screw this movie up?  It's a Die Hard movie.  You'd think it's hard to F that up.  I thought it was.  You want to know the biggest problem of this movie?  It was a comedy script trying to be a serious action movie.  Half the lines of dialogue are meant to be jokes.  In the other Die Hards there is an air of seriousness.  There are terrorist that are hell bent on a mission and they don't care who they kill getting what they want.  But Film Crazy Adam, that's what happened in this movie.  Yes, with all the seriousness of a Rush Hour movie.  Die Hard isn't a comedy.  There are a few ha-ha moments, but it's not a comedy.  Again, not saying that this movie was a comedy, but it felt like it was trying to be one.  The writer was trying too hard to be clever and funny with the dialogue.  That being said, it was satisfying on some level being the only person in the theater to get the joke about Newark.

This is why you shouldn't play Van Halen's Eruption with the volume on 11.
Also, the character of John McClain is nothing like how he's ever been played before.  In every other Die Hard John McClain (played by Bruce Willis) is just doing his own thing.  Either he's on vacation minding his own business or he's working.  And in all of those other movies he starts to lose it.  To be fair, wouldn't you if you were put in any of the situations of any of the Die Hard movies?  He's constantly on the run for his life and he doesn't know what's going on.  Bottom line, he's never in control.  This entire movie was weird, BECAUSE John McClain WAS in control the whole time.  It was so weird to see John one or two steps ahead of the game all through this movie.  He constantly knew what was going and even seemed bored with the way things played out, like - "Heh, knew that was going to happy.  And it did."  It was like John McClain read the script.  There wasn't a situation that held dramatic tension because John McClain acted so bored and jaded with everything that was happening around him.  And what's the deal with him just casually beating people up to steal and destroying vehicle after vehicle in this movie?

What're you doin?  That's not how it's done.
In conclusion, Die Hard 5 was a let down.  It's hard to get anxious over a scene when the main character is in a life or death situation and the main character is acting like "yeah, whatever."  Die Hard 5 didn't know what it was doing in terms of what feel it was going for.  The acting was eh, the directing was a bit below eh, and the script was too simple and generic.  Like all Die Hards there was a vehicle chase scene.  This one probably cost about 70% of the budget.  And the chase scene was ridiculously over the top, even for an action movie comedy.  I was thinking of making this a video review, but in the end this movie wasn't worth busting out a camera.  In the end, was it a good action movie.  Sure.  Was it a good Die Hard movie?  I'd have to say no.  Was it a good movie?  It was entertaining and, so, wasn't a complete waste of time.

Film Crazy Adam doesn't really recommend this one.  Not when I can just recommend Die Hard 1, 2, & 3.  4 was eh.  Yippee ki yay mother bleeper!


Sunday, February 10, 2013

Best/Worst of Movies of 2012

Yeah it's kind of late.  These lists should've been out a month ago.  2012 was a rough year for a LOT of different reasons.  One of those reasons was the movies.  There were a lot of eh movies, a few ok ones, even fewer really good ones, and a lot of lame or bad ones.  But enough typing, I'll let the lists doing their own talking.  Here's my Top 11 Best of and Worst of Movies of 2012.



Thursday, February 7, 2013

Warm Bodies - Written Review

Zombies.  They're the focus of comics, books, TV shows, video games, and even movies.  The first movie that was technically a zombie film was called White Zombie from 1932.  But zombies as they've been popularized as decrepit reanimated brain-craving ravenous corpses until George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead from 1968.  Since then there have been hundreds of zombie movies.  Zombies became really huge in media and pop culture in the last 10 years, when the majority of the zombie movies were made.  The problem with anything that there are hundreds of is they all kind of blend together...unless you do something that seriously sets yourself away from the crowd.  So they made a zombie love story.  I guess...?  Warm Bodies.

All we want to do is eat your brains.
Now let me be the first to say I was confused all the way through this movie.  I even contemplated just walking out (like a zombie) a couple times just because it's so far off base from any kind of zombie lore.  The main character, a zombie named R played by Nicholas Hoult.  Right off the bat my first question was, WTF?!  Because this guy is thinking.  Why is he thinking?  He's a zombie!  Zombies don't think, they're mindless!  But I figured I was watching a comedy like Zombieland, so I didn't let it bother me...until it became obvious that it wasn't a comedy.  Yeah there were some fun lines or lines that were trying to be funny, but it wasn't a funny movie.  It wasn't a comedy.  So if it's not a comedy and he's supposed to be a real zombie then how does he have an internal monologue?  How is he able to speak words out loud?  Why is he breathing?  Why does he collect things?  Why does he have an "apartment" in an old airliner?  And above all, why is he so dectrous with his hands??  He operates a record player by hand.  That requires finesse by someone who already knows what they're doing.  How the hell is this zombie doing it?  And how is he able to appreciate music?  He's a zombie!!

Zombie movie in a zombie movie.
I don't know if the writer even knew what a zombie was when he was writing this.  But aside from a severe lack of understanding of the source material and getting past the fact that some how this zombie is thinking and has an internal monologue and has feelings and knows how to speak this movie was very mediocre.  The acting, except from Nicholas, was eh.  The directing was eh.  The story was eh.  It seriously isn't something new, other than the zombie aspect.  But even that's not new.  Necrophilia anyone?  You could find plenty of stories about that if you looked online.  This love story is actually kind of creepy when you take that into account.  The girl is crushing on a dead guy.  How is that supposed to work??

That's not how you do Thriller.
In conclusion, this movie was confusing and stupid.  This movie was so unfocused.  The first 10 mins were a comedy, then it goes to troubled daughter fighting for the human race, then we basically watch 4 or 5 music videos (what else do you call it when you listen to entire songs set to video), then drama with the zombie family, then awkward teen drama show, then battle action scene where good guys win.  I felt like I was watching something that was written by a second grader.  Was it a good zombie movie?  NO!  Was it a good romance?  Mediocre at best.  Was it a good movie?  No.  In the end I have no idea what they were going for with this movie.  It pisses me off that they marketed it as a comedy when it's not.  Bait and switches are retarded.

Film Crazy Adam does not recommend this movie.